Can You Change Someone's Mind About You?
Posted on Wed, Feb 08, 2012
I’ll never forget the call I got a few years ago from a delightful former client who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years. Going back a ways, her company had hired me to coach her. She had just been promoted but things weren’t going that well. She loved the work, but the feedback was she wasn't that effective. People doubted whether she was ready to lead.
When I interviewed people for her 360 Feedback Report, it turned out this negative view was primarily held by one executive senior to her. You know how people sometimes imagine that a person dislikes them, and the reality is nowhere near as bad as the perception? Well, that wasn’t the case here. He really didn’t like her. What was interesting was that they didn’t even work in the same office. They rarely saw each other. His bad-mouthing was based on a a few limited interactions.
Haven’t we all been there? How did this happen? Someone she barely knew had the potential to make or break her career there.
She could have ignored it. She decided not to. She set up a meeting and went in with a small goal—to seek his advice. Her plan was to figure out what was on his business agenda, and become a partner on a project that was meaningful to him.
It worked. She was invited to work on a project. Total turnaround. He became a fan. It wasn’t any one interaction. It was a series of small wins over time with that guy. Eventually she built a whole network of relationships this way. She always went out of her way to go talk to people, figure out their agenda, and become a partner whenever she could.
By the way, that call? She had just been promoted to head one of the company's national divisions.
Over years I’ve noticed something that separates the best from the rest when it comes to influential relationships. It isn't just knowing that you need to understand other people's point of view. It is the willingness to do it. To get up out of your chair, make an effort, find out what's on their mind, and work with them whenever you can. We know we are supposed to do this. We just don't always do it.
You don't always get off on the right foot with people. But you can change opinions. In fact, you can't afford not to know how to change someone's mind about you.